Neighborhood Newsie Gifts

"Doris is ill today, so I'll be manning the News Desk."

“Sweet mother of Marmaduke... no!”

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

'Henderson always walks away with the neighborhood pumpkin carving contest.'

'He's great, he can even fetch the paper. Off the neighbour's step.'

"I said 'neighborhood watch'; they said 'peeping Tom.' "

'Do you realize he barked all last night?'

Second-hand Slander and Innuendo £10

The Consequences of an Interrupted Shower.

'Looks like housing starts are up.'

The Life of a Sentient Rock

'Honey, it's not the Feds. It's the pseudo-feds.'

"So does George still enjoy his woodworking?"

Interrupted Shower.

"I walk into their yard every few days and knock over their trash. How do you know the Johnsons?"

'He says he's training to be a world champion weightlifter - With a knife and fork.'

'Bloody Joneses! Just because we've put in a new fishpond...'

"... And in other news: Still no truce at 75 Greene Street, apartment 3F."

"Things have gotten bad here. There's talk of a war with another gated community."

'Oh great. The neighbors are worming their way into another BBQ.'

'It's the fellow in 9B.'

'And this is Mario Batali. Of course, he's not the Mario Batali.'

"Yes, Frank's a slob, Mary...but I doubt that's why aliens haven't used your landing pad!"

"Steve and Sue, clean up after your mutt or else!"

'We bought thinking we'd enjoy being only a stone's throw from the playground.'

"You got another letter from the neighborhood association..."

The woman next door bought a coat exactly like mine!

'Can Spot come out and play?'

"What do you think our husbands talk about when they're down the pub?"

'You should see what they're doing next door - it's disgusting,'

'Everybody go home now - or I'll speak this party in nothing but my granny panties.'

"I've never known anyone as nosey as you."

'Is your sore throat stopping you from keeping up with the neighbourhood barking frenzy? Try Auto-bark! It will mimic your bark to keep up with the big dogs, long after you've stopped.'

Woman over garden fence: 'I've invented some new gossip I'd like circulating.'