Negotiation Humorist Gifts

'Maybe we can work out an arrangement if you promise to take me to Disneyland.'

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

Tug of Negotiation and Conciliation.

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"These are my fish cymbalta, otezla, skyrizi, vraylar and stelara!"

"That's a plain burger and black coffee? But what kind of plain burger and what kind of black coffee?"

'Miss Finch, find out what she does over there and offer her twice as much to do it over here.'

'Maybe you should reconsider those place cards, Ms Harris?' (Negotiation talks/Good Guys/Bad Guys)

"Let me get this, but keep in mind that you'll pay for it in other, more subtle ways later on."

"So do I take it that's a 'NO' to the pay rise?"

'Even though you're the client, it's my duty to tell you you're wrong. . . Ok then. Speak slowly so I can write down your every whim.'

"Finally we have something in common...mutual distrust."

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

Sure, I'll sit, but I want half the treat upfront.

"Before we begin, we'd like to remind you that we're an employee owned company."

"Just to get the negotiations off on the right foot, I don't intent to concede anything."

"Before we start our wages negotiation talks, the lads would like to congratulate the chairman on his 83% salary increase."

"Your interest in the salary makes me wonder how 'self-motivated' you really are."

'My final offer.'

'If negotiations sour, throw a handful in his eyes.'

"Marriage, mortal combat. Tomato, tomahto."

'Sir, for Heavens' sake, stop screaming! It's just Mr Winkleberger asking for a raise!'

After the latest pay bonus and benefit awards you've won, I've decided to join you on the shop floor.

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

"The union is objecting to our 'grotesquely inflated' wages, do you think they'd settle for 'outrageously inflated' instead?"

'Thanks for coming. Now, let's see if we can bring this negotiation to closure.'

'Someone come and mediate our argument about mediation!'

"I'm sorry, but it's just not going to work out between us. We're contraindicated."

Meetings

"He's right, but he didn't have to rub our faces in it."

"It's that man who's determined to see you, sir."

"It's a deal, I trade you two of your lunchroom duties if you take my field trip duty?"

'If I eat three more pieces of meat and three more spoonfuls of peas, I want three puddings after!'

'Side effects may include loss of appetite, job, home and family.'