Humorous Negotiations Gifts

"It's a deal, I trade you two of your lunchroom duties if you take my field trip duty?"

'She flunked me, but I plea-bargained my way up to a C-plus!'

'But, Mom. Think of all the leftovers he can thankfully eliminate.'

"Stock options won't do it. I'll also need a ball of yarn."

'Even though you're the client, it's my duty to tell you you're wrong. . . Ok then. Speak slowly so I can write down your every whim.'

Young costermonger trying to sell to a gentleman.

"I'll trade you my cupcake for your head lice."

'Can you get me in touch with people that own me money?'

'If I eat three more pieces of meat and three more spoonfuls of peas, I want three puddings after!'

"I learned that I'm more of a leaf pile jumper and less of a leaf pile raker."

"I'm not eating candy before dinner. I'm skipping dinner."

"It's a note from teacher. She wants to trade the apple I gave her for my chocolate fudge brownie."

"You tell me where you hid the remote and I'll tell you where I hid your phone."

"Dad, I want another dog for my birthday." "NO." "OK. I want a stripper girlfriend for my birthday." "What kind of dog do you want."

'I'll trade you my topsoil for your apple.'

"If you promise to be very careful, Mommy will let you carry the baguettes."

'It's a deal. You buy my insurance and I'll buy your knitted booties.'

'Look, you still owe us 17 cents.. if you sweep up my office we'll call it even.'

M.D. I hope you brought more candy --- Your HMO just raised you co-pay.

"We had the union meeting here because I felt this was the most appropriate place to present management's contract offer."

"Yes it's a salad bar, but it's still mainly hay."

"We always lose these staring contests. Their top negotiator has no eyelids!"

'Maybe we can work out an arrangement if you promise to take me to Disneyland.'

"I guess this is about as hostile as we can make this takeover."

'This is your list for Santa?? A corvette? A 50' TV?. . . If you don't become an ambulance chasing lawyer. . . you've missed your calling.'

"Looks like you're out of options, big man. Sure, I'll guide your sleigh tonight. Here's my price. Cash. And, by the way, we're leaving this out of the song."

'I'm going for a plea bargain. Right now, I'm accused of being a lazy slug. But if I plead guilty, I might get it reduced to the lesser charge of malingering.'

"I finally got that order off Benson last night. He signed it a chopstick dipped in soya sauce."

At the Mayfield Mothers Group weekly Flintstones Vitamins trading session.

'If you raise my allowance, I'll move you up a few places on my links page.'

'The chloride co. wants to merge with us. They think we can make salt together.'

"I'll listen for a dollar."

'You want me to cook dinner, eh? -- what's my motivation?'

'As long as you're looking, let me know when the sign is right for getting paid.'

'Just give me the ten bucks and look at it as another surcharge.'