Negative Neutralizer Gifts

Must you always be so negative?

Through Traffic Keep Left/We're Through Traffic Keep Right

Successful vaccination

"My System 1 tells me she's articulate, capable, shrewd. My System 2 says BIMBO."

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

"Today, in all aspects of life losses outnumbered gains."

Brain and heart sweep away the negative

'Oh it's YOU, Mike! For a moment, I thought I heard the tormented howl of a caged animal!'

'Life's too short to hold grudges.' 'No it's not! You just need to organize your time better.'

'The train due to arrive at platform 2 will now arrive at platform 19.'

"This house is so noisy, I invested in a bigger speaker."

"This year, no coal for the bad guys!"

'Today our special guest is Pamela, who will be telling us what it's like to have an extreme fear of being in the dark. To protect her identity we've placed her in a darkened studio.'

"I'm doing my part to conserve electricity."

"Don't get too excited, they're empty. Our gift to you is not contributing more plastic waste to landfill."

Rational explanations

"Sorry if I'm negative, but I'm operating on a need to no basis."

"I admire the way you avoided that radar trap."

"Nonsense, it's just your perception that I treat you like crap."

'You've cut me off. So how can I find my cheque book in the dark?'

'I blame the internet.'

"If you purchase these items, I will use this special spray to neutralize the pesticides coating them."

Traffic slowing to a crawl then speeding up for no apparent reason next 5 miles.

The Ekert Saga: 'Ok, girls...we need to get the Ekert back down to reasonable size before it destroys out house...so no more TV, radio, or any other negative energy...'

'Psssst... cop on other side of hill.'

"Highway or bunny trail, highway or bunny trail?"

Moan Pig.

"Do you really think installing a solar panel will satisfy the anti-nukes crowd?"

Toll Booths Ahead, Radar Detection Area, Construction Ahead, No Rest Stops for 200 Miles, Severe Potholes Ahead.

'You could say I'm a pessimist. The glass isn't just half-empty, it's not even what I wanted to drink in the first place.'

'THanks to this noise barrier I don't hear Eddie's snoring any more!'

Learn How To Ignore Positive Thoughts Keep Scrolling.

Noise abatement society - Hush.

"It's too cold in here. The boss is a jerk. My feet hurt."