Navigating Online Dating Pillows

"His online profile said he was turning thirty. He didn't say that it was for the second time!"

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

'It was love at first sight, although he was very pixilated and I was out of focus'

Right click for yes...

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

"We met through the personals. We both were seeking someone 'Rubenesque'."

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

"Here's one, Matey! 'Must Love Parrots.'"

"You may now kiss the bride."

Kissable Frogs in Your Area

That must be my computer date... (Answers door to robot).

'Of all the women who responded to my dating profile, you had the best emoticon.'

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

INTERNET MARRIAGE.

"Don't take this the wrong way, Howard, but I'd like to go back to having an on-line relationship."

"Then again, an honest profile picture would not have got me a wonderful 'Duck Confit with a Chocolat Creme Brulee.'"

"Ooo... she sounds nice... 'I enjoy burying myself in the sand and sideways walks on the beach.'"

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'Okay, but not in person -- I prefer on-line dating.'

'Your website or mine?'

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

Dating - "Oh, and she must have a sense of humour."

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

"Everybody meets online these days."

'I'm sorry, Jason. I don't date anyone new until I've googled them.'

"It must have been fate that brought us together."

Horny Nanny Seeks Lonely Goat Herd.

"Your online profile says you like to foxtrot."

"Our online romance needs fresh start. I think it's time to hit 'ctrl', 'alt', 'delete'."

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

"Your profile didn't mention you being a chewer."

"We met the old fashioned way – online, in a chat room."