Nature Laugh Seekers Gifts

Timber!

"That'll be five bucks."

"Of course it's not clean energy -- We don't have clean ANYTHING!"

Would you be willing to sign something regarding the fat content of your burger? Like what? My colon.

Turtle Trailer Court

"Enough with the treehugging already!"

"You'll have to excuse my date. He spontaneously combusts from time to time."

'If a bear attacks and I have to play dead I want it to be as convincing as possible!'

'I don't understand. Why do you want to have your arms extended?'

"I told you to stop biting your nails."

"Let me guess...you forgot to put their hand-brakes on!"

Marmalade the Cheetah on stilts.

"I finished my act. Could you come over and give me a hand?"

'Can't understand all this fuss over cattle growth hormones.'

New Jersey Cops Gone Wild

"Family vacation is an oxymoron."

"I'm having a dry October. . . October 2045."

"Have you tried the David and Goliath cocktail?"

"Right. Money isn't everything - what's the other thing again?"

'It's an obvious case of identity theft.'

'Don't worry about it, Son — Kleptomania runs in the family.'

'Listen, be fair, George - it's your TURN to take Mrs McCarthy for her lesson.'

Failed holiday idea: Utinsils.

"She's addicted to those trashy novels."

"To be environmentally responsible I'm recycling my sister's old book reports."

Unfortunately, the dominant lion was also a very picky eater.

"How much should I spend on a bottle of wine?"

'I do admire your honesty in your garden planning.'

"Don't drink that natural spring water! The aquifer's polluted with agrochemicals!"

Toast with tanlines

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I have seen some lemmings."

The Mid Morning Bird

Ernie was sick and tired of socks and jocks every Christmas.

"Here comes Bob - and remember, he's sesitive about the cooking shrinkage."

'We take concerns about billions of pounds of NHS fraud very seriously. In fact I've asked Nurse Miggins to sort it out as soon as she gets back from lunch!'