Nature Documentary Buff Gifts

'Oh, yes, Larry, we all know who's the Alpha male around here!'

"Okay - I can see you now."

'Wooo-sorry, everyone-for a minute there I thought I was back...well, nevermind.'

'Police have counted the dead resulting from today's disaster. However, they suspect that some of these victims may be just playing possum.'

A ostrich leans out of the tv to pick up bird food.

"Forget it, he's got a brain the size of a walnut: No point reasoning with him to let us cross..."

"We just haven't been flapping them hard enough."

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

The Food Chain

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

Live Stream

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"If you can’t beat ’em, roll around in their decaying carcass."

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

Crocodile

Cinéma Vérité

"No need for stage fright, it's just a documentary crew: be yourself..."

"But what's my motivation?"

Maria Sibylla Merian

'Phoor...watch these sperm whales at it...ah...yes..yes...'

"Those pervs from the nature channel are filming us again."

"What do you suppose Ken Burns will have to say about all this in 30 years?"

'Hold it - someone's filming this without permission!'

'It's a deal: we don't eat you, and you get us on Jacques Cousteau's next special.'

'If whales are so intelligent, why do they swim near Japan?'

"This is a repeat. See what's on The Bird Channel."

'You've killed four warthogs, nine antelopes, two buffaloes and six gnus, but you haven't killed any zebras! Well, I call that discrimination!'

The Hidden World of Desks

'It's that bloody David Attenborough! It looks like one of us is about to die a gruesome, yet visually stunning death.'

"The notches on his tusks? That's the number of rivals my daddy has defeated!"

'She hunts, she brings it back, and my manhood,thank goodness, remains intact.'

"What can you possibly expect from my client, your honor? He's a wolf!"

"Well look who's waiting with bated breath!!"

Rain Forest Filmcrew