Nature Documentary Enthusiast Gifts

'I'm sorry, but I'll have to eat you. . . they're filming a documentary.'

'Do you mind if we switch to the Discovery Channel? There's a wonderful show on migratory habits of gray seals.'

No News Is Good News

'Something tells me Attenborough and his crew have been at it again!'

'It's that bloody David Attenborough! It looks like one of us is about to die a gruesome, yet visually stunning death.'

"We just haven't been flapping them hard enough."

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

The Food Chain

"Then one day, as I caught a tennis ball in midair, I asked myself, 'Is this all there is?'"

Live Stream

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"If you can’t beat ’em, roll around in their decaying carcass."

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

"Oh, come on! Nobody brought a pen?"

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

Crocodile

They're watching a documentary about safety razors. Sounds like a Schick flick!

"No need for stage fright, it's just a documentary crew: be yourself..."

"Ugh! Stop making a drama documentary out of a molehill."

Maria Sibylla Merian

'Phoor...watch these sperm whales at it...ah...yes..yes...'

"But what's my motivation?"

Fahrenheit 911.

People Planet.

A typical Monday. Zombie Truck-Driving Maniacs! South Pole Penguin Love! That's a stupid eco-friendly chick documentary! Insipid, mindless, violent zombie crud! Negotiations commence, nearly a week before date night. Wimp! Blockbuster head!

"Those pervs from the nature channel are filming us again."

"Nothing like the History Channel to get you to appreciate these peaceful times we're enjoying."

'I'm freezing...The rich list is a little thin this year.'

'It's a deal: we don't eat you, and you get us on Jacques Cousteau's next special.'

'If whales are so intelligent, why do they swim near Japan?'

Steve Irwin.

'If you're going to stare at that thing all day, at least watch something educational,,, like Japan,'

The male of the species approaches the cafe counter. What's that, Mr. Pinkerton? Careful not to disturb those around him, the male scans his surroundings. His senses, his vision and his sense of smell have been honed by years of evolution and survival. Sniiif! At last, the male makes his move! He orders one slice of rhubarb pie, a la mode! You want pie? Suddenly, he is alerted to danger. The male seeks refuge behind a petunia! … but is it too late? No pie for him. The male will have a salad. The

"What can you possibly expect from my client, your honor? He's a wolf!"

"This is a repeat. See what's on The Bird Channel."