Nature Documentary Fan Gifts

Steve Irwin.

"Whenever I watch the Nature Channel I get survivor's guilt."

"Glad we're not burdened with any concept of heaven and hell!"

'...And I say, the hell with natural selection and let's just eat the nice fat juicy ones.'

Armchair Predator (cat watches Discovery Channel)

Reintroducing wolves to the wild.

"No need for stage fright, it's just a documentary crew: be yourself..."

"Hold on, you can't attack her! Can't you see she's pregnant!"

"No gnus is NOT good gnus."

Lions try reverse psychology: 'Zebras taste yukky! 'And these are way too boney!'

'He's been sleeping up there ever since he saw that 'Jaguars' program on the nature channel.'

Leopard

'Call me lazy if you want, but being a predator is hard work, so I'm having a go at being a scavenger...'

The Hibernation Channel

The male of the species approaches the cafe counter. What's that, Mr. Pinkerton? Careful not to disturb those around him, the male scans his surroundings. His senses, his vision and his sense of smell have been honed by years of evolution and survival. Sniiif! At last, the male makes his move! He orders one slice of rhubarb pie, a la mode! You want pie? Suddenly, he is alerted to danger. The male seeks refuge behind a petunia! … but is it too late? No pie for him. The male will have a salad. The

'Yeah, I know: Go for the weak and old... Silly me, I went after one that was young and strong...'

'Phoor...watch these sperm whales at it...ah...yes..yes...'

'Whoa! You're right - they DO shed their skins!'

'She hunts, she brings it back, and my manhood,thank goodness, remains intact.'

Smirking hyena.

"I see there's gonna be another series of 'I'm a Celebrity'."

"What can you possibly expect from my client, your honor? He's a wolf!"

Salmon jumping up waterfall on film

"Those pervs from the nature channel are filming us again."

"We just haven't been flapping them hard enough."

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

The Food Chain

Live Stream

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"If you can’t beat ’em, roll around in their decaying carcass."

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

Crocodile

Maria Sibylla Merian

A penguin's life is like endless summer camp, swimming and fishing all day every day!

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." It's okay for a first draft, Thomas, but it'll be much better if you make it rhyme!