Nasty Breakup Gifts

Late for his dinner date for the third time, Randy finds-out the real danger of 'Asalt' weapons. . .

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"Babe, I'm gonna leave you... It may take a few eons, but I am definitely gonna leave you..."

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

"She loves you... yeah... yeah... yeah..."

"I can't believe he brought her."

The prying mantis,

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

When Love In The Laboratory Turns Sour.

"My wife left me. Then my hard drive died."

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

"We broke up. I wanted a proprietary platform - she wanted open source."

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

"The next dance will be ladies' choice."

"It's always the same: We go eons without seeing each other, I think I'm finally over it, and then...WHAM! I get pulled into her orbit again!"

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

Blues artis's daily list

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

'And the life of man, solitary, poore, nasty, brutish, and short.' -- Thomas Hobbes, 'I dated a guy like that once.'

"Are you growing that mustache to make me break up with you?"

"It could never work between us."

"Don't take this the wrong way, Howard, but I'd like to go back to having an on-line relationship."