Narrative Sports Gifts

'Reckless Rick has already lost three matches this year, but rumor has it that he's looking for a new writer...'

An 'out of this-world' soccor player stops the penalty his way!

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

Jose Mourinho & Roman Abramovich Caricature.

For the Wilsons, Gold Medalists Los Angeles '84, bathtime was always a ritual.

Please Do Not Throw Cups of Beer At The Players... It's A Waste of Beer.'

'Okay, who knows how to solve for 'X'?'

"Your Honor, I have a rebuttal witness."

'And now for my William Tell shot.'

'The centre-forward wins a foul!'

'I'd do better if I knew all the words you know!'

'But now for the good news, Bob. The replay was shown repeatedly on Sports Center.'

Group showers. Just one of the reasons few golfers take up football.

"I must have hit 20 home runs!"

To be or not to be?

News Celeb Divorce: Long-suffering wife tells us of abusive husband, In tomorrow's news - dignified husband tells us of vile grabbing wife.

Marcus Rashford

Hi! You must be a basketball player,'cause Mom says she's on the rebound!

"Remeber this is supposed to be fake, so don't yell when he breaks your arm."

"I'd feel more comfortable if you'd use diplomacy."

Disagreeing with the ref's decision.

Football Drama Coach

"Long ago men cursed and beat the ground with sticks. It was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf."

'If it makes you feel any better, when I was your age, bullies used to put a 'Kick Me' sign on my back, too.'

Theatre football.

'When I was a kid, we had to do our own instant replays.'

Sneer-leading

"Deep Right Field: a Memoir..."

'Go, Meacham!'

"I'm sure everyone in the restaurant is in awe of your bowling trophy, but, next time, leave it at home!"

I never knew you were a sportscaster. That takes me way back. What do you mean? The year was 1943. I had a hot, torrid, steamy love affair with a young Howard Cosell. I knew he was destined to be a sportscaster. The man had a strange habit of narrating a play-by-play of all our intimate moments. It almost never pays to ask you to elaborate, Sadie. "And there's his chance! Howard goes in for a first kiss!" ... Odd man.

Thought Police: 'Are you having mucky thoughts?'

"Walk it off, Butler!"

'Remember 'be the ball'.' 'I am the ball. But apparently, I'm a devious, misguided, malevolent ball.'

Football Crazy strip two