Reading About Sports Gifts

"I'd feel more comfortable if you'd use diplomacy."

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

A man is trying to play golf with a football boot attached to a stick.

The Golfing Accident

Alternative fielding positions

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

"... It's just that, when you said you had a couple of tickets to see the big game..."

'There! See that? Brad just happens to morph into some kind of hideous amphibian just as he's about to putt? Now tell me she's not cheating!'

Sport: Crisis in the Real Madrid.

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

Volcano Sacrifice Competition

Baseball Fantasy League Draft. 27 Trout. Everybody wants that rare player who can do it all on their team. Yeah, a player that hits for average and hits for power! Who is also terrific with a glove and has a strong throwing arm. All along with having great speed! Excuse me, I just don't understand it. Why are you always making such a big deal over a five-tool player?!

The Leafs win the Cup!

The Hockey World

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

Gold Medal for IOC boss Thomas Bach in the discipline of Brown-Nosing-Dictators-For-Money.

Maybe we should stop calling it 'The Masters.'

Beijing Olympics - Treadmill.

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

Major Bunker (who has been persuaded to join in a game of hockey for the first time, absent-mindedly preparing to drive). 'Force.'

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

Various men worshipping a statue of a football

Goodbye Opiate of the Masses

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

Runner 007 is given a martini for refreshment.

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

Please Do Not Throw Cups of Beer At The Players... It's A Waste of Beer.'

"After the big race, the tortoise and the hare are ordered to provide urine samples."

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

The solitude of bean farming appealed to the ex-ballplayer after his fall from grace.

Racketeer

"I think Simon’s been hit on the head one too many times."

'What the... Oh, lucky me - it's just something easy to get rid of!'