Mystic Optician Gifts

"This is the only spectacle frame that fits your special needs, sir."

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

"I see a pretty lady who looks a lot like you....a very kind lady...and she's adopting what appears to be a box of adorable kittens!"

"Did you have a cat?"

'I want to find out what the formula was I wrote yesterday on the blackboard and was erased by the custodian.'

Roy, if you can hear me, the Mets are twenty games over .500 and they have a good shot at clinching the N. L. East."

"So how much money have you made from your psychic hotline business?"

'I'm sorry, Madam Zola. I'm afraid you no longer have second sight.'

'It's Blurred.'

"OK, now what's the meaning of the other eight?"

A voodoo doctor.

'I really don't know how you got here with your life line!'

'You will meet a sexy, honest fortune teller who will take all your money!'

'Before we begin, let me see what my fortune cookie says.'

They say animals have the sixth sense and the talent to look into the future...

Ill next Thursday

'I see a carefree lifestyle by a quiet lake. No, wait, my mistake - looks like I called up the real estate section.'

Amateur Palmist

"Okay brother Bickle, you can keep your underpants on"

'Ha Ha! Stop seeing astrally and look behind you, Bob!'

Hog Futures

"The fact that you're here means you will continue to make poor life decisions."

"I'm afraid your wife gets to say 'I told you so.'"

'You will be reincarnated as someone who undergoes past life regression.'