Mystic Enthusiast Gifts

'Madam Zora's one of our new schemes to future proof the business!'

"I foresee a nasty fall in your future, but for twenty bucks I can give you a second opinion."

'I see a carefree lifestyle by a quiet lake. No, wait, my mistake - looks like I called up the real estate section.'

'Shall we get started - You haven't got all day.'

"It's a bit of a scam. They sell the crystal ball at cost, then nail you on the price of replacement psych-ink cartridges."

'If you pay for two palm readings, you get the third one free.'

"I gotta know if I'm gonna pass the big history test tomorrow! I can't remember who fought in the industiral revolution, and my scholarship depends on it!"

"I see a very handsome bottom line later in the year."

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"Tia Carmen, we're going to the park."

'Before we begin, let me see what my fortune cookie says.'

"I'm just substituting. I can only read fingers."

A prediction.

'The crystal reveals you spend your money foolishly. That will be twenty-five dollars, please.

"So how much money have you made from your psychic hotline business?"

'Look, here comes our 'meals on wheels'.'

Mystic Business Talk

Madam Olga tells your fortune - $12. Investment strategy - $7.

"Seducers, politicians and non-believers, it's all become so humdrum. I often wonder, where have all the sorcerers and fortune tellers gone?"

"Ask her where she keeps the mailbox key and the nutmeg."

"I see doughnuts... Lots of doughnuts."

'The doctors aren't always clear on what they want me to be examining, so I'm working with a psychic to help figure it out.'

"You're going to ask a gorgeous young fortune teller out on a date."

Madame Zena: Spiritualist

"How do you stop this bloody thing?"

"I'm dating a spiritualist medium..."

"Do you want the good news or the bad news, or both for just fifty per cent extra?"

"I get the sense there's some large body of water you're longing to return to - not a lake, maybe a sea? Is it an ocean?"

"We don't do that kind of cattle futures, ma'am. You want Madam Mystic down the street."

"So, what brings you here today?"

"Did you have a cat?"

Fortune Teller. Closed. Out of business. Nobody could have seen all of this coming.

"It's just like she said it would happen."

"I'm afraid your wife gets to say 'I told you so.'"

"Now then, which life are you on?"