Mystery Diner T-Shirts

Deep in the heart of the one-star restaurant district...'Guess what you're eating buffet!'

"... You got the recipe from the woman next door?... Why, have we done something to upset her?"

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

'How is the water prepared?'

"One spaghetti, and two straws please."

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

"For drinks or dinner?"

'The customer is always right...'

"Hey!-This looks like a good place!"

'Would Sir & Madam per chance care to peruse the scratch & sniff dessert menu?'

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

Dave's Hamburger Shop

How is your soup, sir? Speaking for myself, it looks pretty good. I can't speak for the fly, of course.

"It's the Chef Surprise."

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

"My apologies, but that's not a meatball. That's my computer mouse. I've been looking for it."

"Why don't I start you off with the contact information of everyone who's read those menus over the last 14 days?"

Man eating his meal with his feet.

'And for the Queen of Whiny Eaters, two pieces of bologna, cut into quarter-inch squares, coated with Abe's Barbecue Sauce...'

'Waiter...!' (there is a human in my soup)

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

'It probably wasn't a good idea to ask for seperate cheques.'

'I'm afraid things are rather confused around here today, sir- the Soup of the Day is a grilled-cheese sandwich'

Lemon beelzebub for table 666

"Siri, am I ready to take a look at the dessert menu?"

Sorry, that's probably one of mine.

"Dinner looks delicious."

"There's a free pudding for whoever finds the Chef's glass eye."

'Please have the bouncer throw me out before the dessert course.'

Road Kill Cafe.

"There are no animal products in our dishes, but since the meals are prepared by animals, you may find some stray hairs."

'Wrong fork. Good Lord, man, don't you have any table manners?'