Musical Comedy Lovers Gifts

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"First you make a left, then you make a right, then you turn around and turn around with all your might. You put your left foot out and then you bring it back, and that's what I call ballin' the jack."

Ant is banished for playing the bagpipes.

Children's Parties

Life is for the birds.

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening. Menu. Menu.

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

"I know we just met, but all I got is a twenty-four-hour pass!"

Lesser known greek gods,

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

Xena: Warrior Princess, TV star, professional volleyball player.

'...and so you see our profits, not unlike Sir Isaac Newton, have felt the effects of gravity.'

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

'Well,he certainly has his father's nose!'

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

'What's the big deal about acid rain? Can't we just make alkaline rain to counteract it?'

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

"Move ten paces, turn, then fire. Ready?" "Dibs on the hat."

Mikado

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

A huge shark is about to attack a small fishing boat and one of the guys is saying 'Listen... there's that creepy music again' as an orchestra of fish, crabs and an octopus play the theme from Jaws.

Romeo & Juliet & Ron

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

"As some of you may have guessed I got yesterday's sunburn factor wrong!"

'Don't worry about getting lost, folks. These trails are all well marked. . . if I do say so myself.'

"At some point, there's only so high you can raise the volume before you admit you're never gonna understand what British detectives are saying."

A Golden Non-Retriever

How Amazon was invented

"My dang neck is killin' me again." "That's because you left your dang hanger in your coat. Again."

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'