Musical Comedy Lovers Pillows

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"First you make a left, then you make a right, then you turn around and turn around with all your might. You put your left foot out and then you bring it back, and that's what I call ballin' the jack."

Ant is banished for playing the bagpipes.

Life is for the birds.

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

Lesser known greek gods,

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

"I know we just met, but all I got is a twenty-four-hour pass!"

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

'What's the big deal about acid rain? Can't we just make alkaline rain to counteract it?'

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

'Well,he certainly has his father's nose!'

"Move ten paces, turn, then fire. Ready?" "Dibs on the hat."

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

Mikado

A huge shark is about to attack a small fishing boat and one of the guys is saying 'Listen... there's that creepy music again' as an orchestra of fish, crabs and an octopus play the theme from Jaws.

Romeo & Juliet & Ron

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

"As some of you may have guessed I got yesterday's sunburn factor wrong!"

How Amazon was invented

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

"My dang neck is killin' me again." "That's because you left your dang hanger in your coat. Again."

'I'd like my £2.50 back'

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

A Golden Non-Retriever

"Well what does the GPS say?"

"At some point, there's only so high you can raise the volume before you admit you're never gonna understand what British detectives are saying."