Music-loving Satirist Gifts

What your acoustic guitar says about you

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

"That's it, Tom. Here they come. Just keep playing 'Freebird.'"

Note Book

Pay me not to pay 'Wonderwall'

Fuzz - Fuzzy writes a song with a positive message.

'Celeb Foods: Damien Hurst's voles in brine.'

"Coming up... more of the same mindless pop songs with repetitive lyrics and nauseating melodies!"

"I feel like I've just been played my whole life."

"So obvious, there all the time"

"I'm not mocking your song—I'm sampling it."

'One could make the ultimate industrial strength glue by cracking the formula of the goo on night club stages.'

'I know.. Let's write a song all about the evils of material wealth. After all, that last one netted us a bloody fortune!'

"Hurry, she's starting to play in a minor key!"

"I guess we're kind of the Marsalis Family in reverse

"Are we locked up with him, or is he locked up with us?"

'These f****** pop stars are setting really f****** bad examples with their b***** lifestyles.'

The critic as band leader

Uke Free Zone

Parts of a Bagpipe

'Don't say anything!'

Slower than a rubber-tipped arrow,as powerful as a wind-up choo-choo, unable to step over his shoelaces, it's Copyright Free Man!

Celebrity X-factor Gogglebox Bake-off on Ice

This next song aims to halt global warming and bring about an end to famine...sing along if you think it'll help.

"That was a truly ham-fisted attempt at Vivaldi!"

You don't have to be tone deaf to work here but it helps.

"I'm singing the 'no one LIKED my vacation facebook post' blues."

"This little song is made up of all my passwords. Hope you like it."

Although he later fired his editors, Wagner was never able to convince the public of his original intentions.

'You play Schubert beautifully. Sadly the rest of us are playing Beethoven...'

'At $87,000, I'd say this comes from the artist's I'm-milking-this-for-all-I-can Period.'

Hits Of The 80s: Remastered by the health and safety department.

"My next song goes out to all those staffers who worry about job status in light of the recent reorg. It's called 'Somehow We'll Manage'."

Man, the king must really hate that song. YMCA.

"How can you call yourself a left-leaning audiophile if you've never heard NPR on vinyl?"