Music Community Satirist Gifts

"How can you call yourself a left-leaning audiophile if you've never heard NPR on vinyl?"

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

"Biff's old money, Angelo is new money and Boris is funny money."

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

'Sure, I'm a working mother - is there any other kind?'

Pay me not to pay 'Wonderwall'

"Remember, we're not just making money. We're building prisons."

'Celeb Foods: Damien Hurst's voles in brine.'

"Coming up... more of the same mindless pop songs with repetitive lyrics and nauseating melodies!"

"I feel like I've just been played my whole life."

Pizzas

'I love Brahms' 2nd Symphony in A minor, especially the part where it pauses and the voice says, 'Please hold for the next available broker'.'

"May I say, sir, the staff and I just knew you'd see through that Beaujolais."

Middle Age - The Magazine For You - Yeah, You!

"I thanked my teacher for teaching us so well and she fainted."

"I'm not mocking your song—I'm sampling it."

"Hurry, she's starting to play in a minor key!"

'Shall we join the ladies?'

"Cultural diversity is all very well, but our immigration officers don't have to put up with their bloody harp picking 24 hours a day!"

"He spent the last half hour trying to piratesplain sea shanties to me."

Glass/Cans/Geriatrics.

'A pint! Have you got any ID?'

"I guess we're kind of the Marsalis Family in reverse

Edith Wharton

"From now on it will be God, the Holy Non binary, God the Holy Cisgender and God the..."

'These f****** pop stars are setting really f****** bad examples with their b***** lifestyles.'

"...and those are cheese and cucumber..."

Uke Free Zone

Society for the vertically challenged: Our founder.

"Are we locked up with him, or is he locked up with us?"

The critic as band leader

Paparazzi at the Local Dump

'Don't say anything!'