Music Community Satirist Pillows

"How can you call yourself a left-leaning audiophile if you've never heard NPR on vinyl?"

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

"Biff's old money, Angelo is new money and Boris is funny money."

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

'Sure, I'm a working mother - is there any other kind?'

Pay me not to pay 'Wonderwall'

"Show me a man who's optimistic about the human race..."

'Celeb Foods: Damien Hurst's voles in brine.'

"Coming up... more of the same mindless pop songs with repetitive lyrics and nauseating melodies!"

"Remember, we're not just making money. We're building prisons."

"I feel like I've just been played my whole life."

"May I say, sir, the staff and I just knew you'd see through that Beaujolais."

'I love Brahms' 2nd Symphony in A minor, especially the part where it pauses and the voice says, 'Please hold for the next available broker'.'

Pizzas

Middle Age - The Magazine For You - Yeah, You!

"I thanked my teacher for teaching us so well and she fainted."

"Cultural diversity is all very well, but our immigration officers don't have to put up with their bloody harp picking 24 hours a day!"

"I'm not mocking your song—I'm sampling it."

"Hurry, she's starting to play in a minor key!"

'Shall we join the ladies?'

Bullfighting might be more widely accepted if it had a different name. They should call it "dodgebull"! (Published originally on April 27, 2015.)

"He spent the last half hour trying to piratesplain sea shanties to me."

Glass/Cans/Geriatrics.

"I guess we're kind of the Marsalis Family in reverse

Edith Wharton

'A pint! Have you got any ID?'

'These f****** pop stars are setting really f****** bad examples with their b***** lifestyles.'

"Are we locked up with him, or is he locked up with us?"

Society for the vertically challenged: Our founder.

Paparazzi at the Local Dump

Don Pasquale sitting

"...and those are cheese and cucumber..."

The critic as band leader

"From now on it will be God, the Holy Non binary, God the Holy Cisgender and God the..."

'Don't say anything!'