Mushing Fanatic Gifts

Say, I just had a thought

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

"Say, when did you get so fluff?"

'Amount of white out used while writing, Moby Dick, an issue of The National Enquirer, and 101 Uses for a Dead Cat.'

Laughing Zone Ahead

Dr, Wagner's dental floss spider web made going to the dentist much more appealing to kids,

"Sorry. My blood sugar has just been running a little low lately."

'For heaven's sake, Lois, when are you going to give up this mad dieting of yours?' (woman falls through drain).

'Ugh, I hate food with preservatives.'

"That explains all the cavities."

"Whether we refer to them as lakes or ponds, it's mere semantics."

Do you like my bling?

"I'm taking a gap year and then getting my Master's in Fetching and Staying."

Floss Street Vendor

Street painter puts real face on man with happy face.

"You need a mint."

Mummy Tourists

'With proper flossing there's no reason for hens to not have teeth.'

Things you forgot to tell me about getting older: "You're going to need bigger tooth floss."

Arnold Schwarzenneger caricature.

"That's perfect! The bloody door is too small!"

Mummy Toilet Roll.

"I want you to meet these guys-they've got the hottest new stupid thing on the Internet."

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

'It sold for how much!'

Is your monster coming to the party, Doctor Frankenstein? I don't know. Part of him wants to and part of him doesn't.

Mister Bundles VS. The Martians

"I was building up my pecs."

"I'll take your word for it. You don't have to show me your used floss."

"True, you have irreconcilable differences, but they're mainly about flossing."

"Do you know what time they open love?"

"He'll have to call you back. He's just now jumping in the shower."

Ernie, what's a seven-letter phrase for "sadistic behavior"? Beats me.

' ... plus you need to floss better.'