Museum Pilgrim Gifts

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

"Meet the scribe"

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

Sparkling Water

John Bunyan

"Pizza sounds wonderful. Italian, Greek or Hipster?"

"You're my Mona Lisa."

Nothing like traveling hundreds of miles to immerse yourself in art for the sole purpose of killing time between meals.

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

"But how do I accomplish that in 140 characters or less?"

Couple Sitting in Front of A Sunset.

A child at a museum starts to pull the wrappings off a mummy.

'What do you suppose he's trying to say?'

"I'm torn, Randy. I don't know what to think." "About what, little buddy?" "Star Trek. The last movie got rave reviews. Critics and audiences loved it. Therefore, I loved it too. But it didn't come anywhere close to earning $1 billion at the box office. And these days, any movie that doesn't earn $1 billion is a complete failure. Therefore, I must hate it. I'm in limbo until the hive mind comes to a consensus." "Except for honey, nothing good ever comes from hives."

"Makes me wish I'd kept that gorilla suit."

German School

"Still-Life of New Mexican Grilled Quail with Cilantro and Fennel-Flecked Confit."

"Do you have pants in XL?"

Movie Monster Exhibit: Unavailable due to much needed repair work.

"I read 'Art News.'"

"My kid could do that."

"Have you give any thought to my suggestion about a sculpture that's just a chubby kid constantly peeing."

Cavemen Exhibit

"Beats me why but my girlfriend says I have a one-track mind."

'I know I can't take it with me, but what about computer simulations?'

Who are you?

"It's a forgery―and a recent one, too."

"I don't dare take him near the De Kooning exhibit!"

"Rome was great – aside from the roaming fees."

Owl Through Time

"Do they look tired to you?"

"I thought this was the Vermeer tour."

Museum. Celtic smiths were the first to add iron rims to chariot wheels. They should have called them "ferrous wheels"!

"We're not certain why they disappeared, but archeologists speculate that it may have had something to do with their size."