Mundane Victory Seeker Gifts

Gary Basks in the glow of a fifteen-minute window with no empty cardboard boxes in the house.

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

First past the post.

'I win!'

Triumphant mouse posing like Perseus holding aloft Medusa's head.

"Your next pilgrimage must be to a bodega for milk."

"It's more relevant than some of the other theme parks we've been to."

"You have arrived at your destination."

'Don't knock it. The copy machine hasn't broken down in a month.'

'Whoever said 'taking part is better than winning' was certainly a loser...'

'The light stays on after I shut the door.'

'Diet Plan Rule number one: Stop using ice cream truck music as your ringtone.'

F1 drivers saluting a checkered flag

"Can't they compromise and sell candy apples?"

Overeaters anonymous meeting 9 to 10pm

Fisherman with tiny catch

"Recycling has become the high point of my week."

I heard you have a really bad toothache. Meh. Not anymore. "Meh"? I got bored of that, so I just moved on. Amazing. "Mindless over matter." Bored of this phone.

Look sharp, women! We're shooting video of our game. I hope it shows our huge victory! Goose! It's for seniors to send to college hockey recruiters. So? It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you look playing the game!

Talk about lack of trust! My trainer didn't even bet on me, but I showed him: I won the race!

"It's tough sticking to a diet when you're surrounded by temptation."

'I've started this new 'Detox' diet - no caffeine or alcohol...no processed foods...

"On Monday, they will introduce a new office layout and you'll be near Judy, who isn't good at sharing her charger. Then you'll finish up a report on whether your client's edgy new marketing tactics have been resonating with the 18-34 demographic. The results will be inconclusive and your boss will say, 'Jared, there'll always be another Instagram-based influence strategy to review,' but she also takes a while to approve your annual leave request and you will suspect that the two are related."

'I've decided to help you diet. I had invisible fencing installed around the refrigerator.'

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

"It's the spirit of the game that matters... We bat... we bowl... they lose."

'Did the bloke in the white shirt win?'

"You are right...testing shows you have chocolate in your DNA."

Winner Celebrating with Champagne

"The Heavens Will be Mine."

Rival Jockeys

He was fast, but weak, and once again it would cost him the victory.

We shall overcome covid-19

'We already have quite a few people who know how to divide, so essentially we're now looking for people who know how to conquer.'

"Doctor, there is a correlation between violence and the low-fat diet. Right now, I'd kill for a doughnut!"