Muffin Maven Gifts

'How do we bake such delicious large muffins that have only 20 calories? Easy, false advertising.'

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

Cat croissant, cat baguette, cat muffin, cat turnover

Muscles

"Two burgers, two fries, two martinis—and we'll have those to go."

"5 chocolate brownies, 3 banana muffins, 4 caramel cookies and one cappuccino - skinny."

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

See, eating healthy isn't so bad...."

"Forget sugar and spice and everything nice. I'm going for buns of steel!"

"Let me connect you with Edith, our specialist in ethnic conflict in the former Yugoslavia. My expertise happens to be in North Korean intransigence."

Man posing on beach as women ignore him.

Prepare to meet thy mechanic.

"You'll have to forgive Roland. He still uses 'stomach' and 'abdominals' interchangeably."

Little chef.

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

"We missed the meeting, but there might be a couple of the little muffins left."

"Arthur, I need my space."

See? Whenever he's mad at me, he turns off his Touch ID sensor.

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

"That's how my father looked when I told him I was going to marry you."

"Damn it, Gwendolyn, you know when you married me I only moved one square at a time."

Weight lifter using his foot to take a photograph.

'Sorry, you're just not built right for weightlifting.'

"It's your ribs. I'm afraid they're delicious."

"It's my attorney. Have you seen my list of things about you that drive me crazy?"

'All he wants is sex, sex, sex!'

Tonight, on the microwave channel... chicken pot pie!

'You're docile enough alright, but I don't like how you grind your teeth while you sleep!'

Moon Martini

"I'll kill you if you crack your knuckles again."

'Our mutual fund management changed the name of the fund to clearly communicate their investment objectives. The fund is now called 'Make Money Anyway We Can'.'

Body Building Mishap

"We'd like bruschetta, and we'd like it pronounced correctly."

"That metallic grinding means her throwout bearings are shot. She's backfiring through her carburetor. The tick indicates transmission trouble, and the smoke means she's on fire."

'Our marriage has been so successful because we are open to each others' points of view, and we always think for ourselves... isn't that right, honey?'