Muddy Buddy Pillows

Begin by removing all surplus mud.

Glastonbury. After.

"Congratulations, Amruk. You prove they do exist."

"I didn't know she could body surf. Did you know she could body surf?"

"Hi, kid! Did you watch 'Sesame Street' today?"

"So, Danny Boy, what's up in your world?"

'Just for once, can't we have a picnic without your mates turning up to crawl all over the food?'

'Want a mudpie? It's organic!'

'Relax, dude - I got your back.'

"Where do you see yourself in five pints time?"

"Some day, we should bait our hooks."

'I won't bother to bath Mum, we're playing again tomorrow!'

"Well dudes, gotta go. My honey needs a lot of attention."

"Whoa. Check it out, Doug. Your ex-wife is sitting right below us with that dolt she ran off with..."

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

'Parents are so inconsistent. They spend all day avoiding soil loss and all night promoting it.'

Spring is coming... Sunshine, warmer weather... and MUD

"All yours, Buddy. I'm ALREADY living on house money."

"Jim, just put that hole behind you."

'I guess the transplant went ok - I just got a love letter from my new liver!'

'How do I know your ours?'

Down On the Farm

Signs you may be friends with a sheep....

'Fred, we've been together too long!'

'This plumber you recommended...mate of yours, is he?'

"Don't attack surfers! You're giving us all a bad name and encouraging culling!"

You know how last year you told me you'd teach me how to pick up ladies? I said "If you spend a year working out." Well, in this past year, I've run 18,000 miles and burned tens of thousands of calories. Accidentally leaving your phone's pedometer on all year doesn't count, little buddy. You didn't say that beforehand. Loophole. Maybe next year.

Wipe Your Feet

'I found a whole bunch of worms in the wheel wells!'

"Hey Cruz, check out my super-powered speaker system!"

"Okay, which one of you guys filled my bowling ball with helium?"

"No offense."

"I don’t know, Phil … my gut tells me she’ll drive you nuts."

'Please! Take these and let my buddy go!!'

"Do you realize that we spend one-third of our lives in bed and the other two-thirds in here?"