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'The part of your brain you used to diagnose what is wrong with you is what is wrong with you.'

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

"Yeah, I know. bu tthe administration didn't want to appear culturally insensitive."

Superbug Research Go For It / Got it

'Surely they're not ALL still in their offices!'

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

"That's a big fat lie!"

'She's one of our nurses hiding from the patient load.'

The end is near

Podiatry. The greated podiatrist of all time, you say? Yep. I studied at his feet.

Look on the bright side...they'll probably name a disease after you.

"I prefer 'prostitute'. 'Media whore' implies that I'm not getting paid."

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

'I know my instruments are sterilized every day but I have no idea who does it.'

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

'Well, we're off for our xmas break - I'm sure you can manage without us for a couple of weeks.'

"An appointment? Let's see... She could fit you in before breakfast TV, or after lunch on Radio Two, or between Radio Four afternoon and the Drive Home SHow..."

There's a popular new health spa down there. The endorphins are having a blast in aerobics. Antibodies are learning kickboxing and the adrenaline is getting some much needed relaxation in the yoga studio. The only problem is the water molecules. Everybody is concerned about them! What's wrong? They haven't been seen since they went into the sauna!

Vaccine hurdles

'We're trying to use a team approach to medicine, but we're having trouble fitting everyone!'

'Where does it hurt?'

ANd the Oscar for the best special side effects goes to ASTRAZENECA!

"Accepting for..."

"She leaked WHAT to the press?"

National Optometrists Association. O.K., whose idea was it to form a focus group?…

Orthopedics. Pediatrics. Stuff they never taught your in nursing school.

"Gotta go. My ten o'clock is here."

Bertha's: A bank that's more than a bank. It's also an insurance broker and a beauty parlor.

"I knew a breakfast meeting would be a mistake."

"Don't just stand there gawping women! Give me a hand with my monthly salary!"

Case in Point

'You forgot you list of possible side-effects.'

"Oh no, those aren't recharging stations for phones. We have those there so physicians can get themselves recharged!"