Moving Into A New Place Gifts

'Here is the lead-based paint information, Fair Housing criteria, laws regarding tobacco use outdoors, slip-and-fall warning, and, barring any further public hysteria, the lease itself.'

'...you said, 'it only gets a bit damp when it rains'!''

A DIY disaster.

Male Computer Mouse: 'So...your Pad or mine?'

'Well, the rent is a bit more expensive than usual because there are only 1 327 482 other tenants...'

'And this of course is the bedroom.'

Tool Box

"Usually I'd be nervous, but the rest of his apartment is so nice."

"I know the landlady said 'Make yourself at home', but really Fred..."

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

'So I finally got cable.'

'Sorry about this, but I really need a rug for my bachelor pad.'

"Relax. I'm checking for a wire."

"I'm sure someone will find us endearing."

"I'll email the landlord."

Let's get organized

Domestic Superheroes!!

Barbequer wears apron with 'Beer in -beer out' slogan.

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

"You haven't got dyslexia- the instructions are in polish."

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

'Maybe we should have gone for a pommel horse.'

Road sign: "Good Start, but you've still got a ways to go."

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

'Make sure you pretend to water it.'

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

Painting by the numbers for adults

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

'Is that the only wallpaper you could find?!'

Maybe I should have measured my garden before going shopping....

Doing the borders.

'We like the occasional drink on the patio.'

It's a male thing - I saw a toaster with power assist, and I bought it.