Moving Into New Home Gifts

'According to our home computer, we should buy some furniture.'

"Things to do today: 1) stare out window 2) crap on new bedspread 3) stare out window 4) claw up ottoman 5) stare out window 6) take nap."

Book Me!

"Fuzzy Wuzzy was my first love."

"I can't wait for vacation - I'm going to go sun myself in a south-facing window."

'And this is what Larry calls his 'man cave'.'

'That's the LAST piece of furniture you need.'

Bird wife unhappy with the state of their birdhouse.

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

New Rules for the Household

"Straw, sticks and bricks are in aisle seventeen. Wolf repellent is in aisle four."

"Do you have anything a little firmer?"

"Forgive the hole in the wall. I'm having new furniture delivered."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

Let's get organized

Domestic Superheroes!!

"He's got no clue how easy he has it compared to his ancestors."

Barbequer wears apron with 'Beer in -beer out' slogan.

LAY ZEE FUK

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

Lady of the Cake.

"You haven't got dyslexia- the instructions are in polish."

'Maybe we should have gone for a pommel horse.'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

Road sign: "Good Start, but you've still got a ways to go."

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

'Make sure you pretend to water it.'

The wonderful world of cheese.

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

Painting by the numbers for adults