Movie Connoisseur Gifts

"Can we go see 'Home Alone 2'? My friend Jeffrey says it's an important picture."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

New and improved! BunkerBuster! Get out of the sand trap every single time - or your money back!!

Herman Mankiewicz

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

hard-boiled egg...

'He likes to power nap.'

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Night of the Latkes

Farm Humor.

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

The Trojan Beagle.

Happy Hour

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

Emergency Phone.

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

Bangers and Mash

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

The Snarky District

"You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the heck else are you talking... you talking to me?"

10 Good Things about a Minnesota Winter.

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

Girl who can't cook meets guys who can't fix stuff.

'Satchel, I have just had a revelation.'

"Oh boy charades! I love charades! Something big? Is it a bird? It's sharp! Behind? Above?"

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'