Movie Connoisseur Gifts

"Can we go see 'Home Alone 2'? My friend Jeffrey says it's an important picture."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

New and improved! BunkerBuster! Get out of the sand trap every single time - or your money back!!

Herman Mankiewicz

hard-boiled egg...

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

'He likes to power nap.'

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Night of the Latkes

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

Farm Humor.

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

The Trojan Beagle.

Happy Hour

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

10 Good Things about a Minnesota Winter.

Bangers and Mash

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"And I'll have that lightly sedated, please."

Girl who can't cook meets guys who can't fix stuff.

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'

"Oh boy charades! I love charades! Something big? Is it a bird? It's sharp! Behind? Above?"

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'