Mousy Mischief Maker Pillows

"It was too good to be true when the old cat died! They're just back from the shelter with a kitten..."

Newt sale

"It that it? I don't have my contacts in."

Only a penny! A sensible and ingenious toy for children.

'No, you can't use your last wish, to wish for another three wishes!'

'Mom! -- Jeffrey's pimping the wall!'

'Guess what I'd like to see disappear next.'

Teacher to student: 'Nice use of glitter, but you were assigned to do math problems.'

'I couldn't practice last night on account of my Dad's head was gonna' explode.'

'Have you tried hitting Ctrl-Alt-Delete?'

Child jumping on a table-tennis table.

"I've just discovered this brilliant new ingredients."

Artist gets pooped on by lots of birds.

Occupational Hazards.

'In the middle of the second movement, Rodney's worst fears were realized; Phillippe began to sing along.'

'You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off. . .!'

God creates humans.

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

A Vet's Fight with a Chimpanzee

Timpani for the devil

Man defaces a painting to make it fit above his fireplace.

"I'm in the national team...not because I'm a good player, but because everybody panics when I start singing the anthem!"

Mozart swimming.

A trap for Santa

Frankie the discount genie

'I got 50p - how much did you get?'

"Just think, in dog years we'd be old enough to know better!"

Aircraft accidentally hits a witch.

"Do not feel bad - violence is acceptable when the purpose of the toy is its own destruction."

'Grandma says she has the perfect wrestler nickname for me. What does Tiny Terror mean?'

The concert that never was. . .

"And the important thing is to make sure you wake them up EVERY HOUR during the night."

Santa's sleigh up on cinder blocks.