Mournful Humorist Gifts

''Larry this' and 'Larry that'. . . And no one has anything nice to say about the hole.'

"This is my new country song I wrote about my self-driving truck leaving me..."

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

Barman In Love.

OFA. Onion Farmer of the Year. I told myself I wasn't going to cry ….

Phoenix

"What if my inner demons want to write about bunnies?"

Caterpillars in love

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

'His Trout Almondine Veal Cordon Blue in mushroom sauce was crudely seasoned.'

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

Actually, I prefer to think of my body as repurposed.

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

If a tree falls on a philosopher in the woods, and no one is there to hear his screams for help, did he really make a sound?

'She kept pinching the Vicar's bum!'

A dog with a heart shaped hole in his body

Death Watch

Surgeon Finds Heart Reading 'Be my Valentine'.

Valentines

I know you can't forget, but you should learn to forgive...

"They’re burying him with his Xanax."

"Ooh, Igor — a dead rat! You shouldn’t have!"

"I know you're a brain cell, but can't you act more like a heart cell?"

Preserved head and mobile phone.

Headstone in bird cage, "We really loved our budgie.."

Kissing Hands

Tunnel of Love - LGBT Friendly.

'Really, this award has come as a great surprise...'

Vulture waiting outside a failing business.

"I'd really let myself go. I hadn't shaved in days."

'You can come back as a zombie OR a ghost, Randy, but not both.'

"Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!"

A heart flies out during an operation.

"What can I say? Tough split."

"This here is a little number I wrote when I recovered a repressed memory."