Motormouth Chatter Gifts

"Oh, great—here comes that crazy #@!*%! Jeff who won't shut up about conspiracy theories. How's my hair look?"

'I don't understand: I lick the plates clean, but Mistress still puts them in the dishwasher afterwards...'

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"Give her some space! She's overdosing on baby talk!"

Shallow End (Slightly innocuous statements) - Deep End (a little more weighty)

"At least their bull sessions are green. Everything they say is 100% biodegradable."

"I could have been a big celebrity but for my fear of public speaking."

"We just can't justify the expense of cheese, let alone the upkeep of the maze."

Death chatting in a pub - "The scythe?...Oh that went years ago. I've got a brand new combine harvester in the car park!"

"You're not fooling me. I can spot 'fake mews'."

"You know that on-line romance you've been carryin' on? Well this here's Samantha!"

'Please don't encourage them: Stop trying to communicate with them...'

'A packet o' crisps, and have one for yersel'.'

'Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?'

"Want to come over Sunday, watch the game, and help me start dreading Monday?"

"You are sooooo 'grazed!'"

'Now his mother's gone, she's nowhere to slink off to and watch tripe on t'telly!

'My holiday season: A rich tradition of belated giving and premature babbling.'

"BOL means Barking Out Loud."

"Omigod, you have such a cute smile!"

"We had him neutered,"

'I tell you what: Mistress' lap was so much more comfortable before she started her diet...'

"They said it had a V-8, so I assumed it would run on tomato juice!"

'I really don't miss the water cooler.'

'I've never been superstitious...touch wood'

Wordplay 11. Repetition & on & on & on. . .

Mavis didn't realise she was still on hold. . . !

"I realise you're used to talking to me on the chat line, but would you mind not moving your fingers like you're typing everytime you say something."

'Carol, do you understand how your obsession with internet chat rooms might make Frank uncomfortable?... Carol??'

"It's nothing personal. Max just happens to be allergic to most brands of litter."

"This is a piece of crap."

"Today on Zoom she was like, 'I really think everything's going to be okay,' and I'm like, 'I always knew she was a conspiracy theorist!'"

'He promised me the moon, But hey, it's just green cheese, right?'

The only time sparks flew on my date with this guy was when the muffler shook loose from his junky car.