Gum Chatter Enthusiast Gifts

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

Kid blowing bubble takes off.

Woman on the phone.

'Fergie quits - chewing gum sales hit all time low!'

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

'Who's a pretty boy! Is that all you've got to say?'

Boys and Girls: Differences in Internet Surfing.

"Coffee...Cigarettes...Bubble gum..."

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

"You had too many characters in your last tweet."

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

Sure, he can talk already, but it's all just psychobabble.

You look lovely tonight. It's a good think the coat-check girl let me check my thought balloons. !!

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

The Art of Bantering!

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

'You're looking well.'

"I was listening at the door and I overheard the nickname they have for me."

"Let's go bowling and keep on bowling until the people who regulate bowling say it isn't bowling any more!"

"I keep telling her she should do something with her stupid little online pieces."

'Do you mean I leave a lot to be desired bad, or a lot to be desired good?'

"I don't know—my gut tells me I should have another beer."

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

'What did I learn in school today? You can't chew gum in class even if you brought a pack for the teacher.'

'Have I told you how absolutely lovely you look today?'