Whimsical Banter Enthusiast Gifts

A conversation between two street urchins.

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

"Would the widdle Venus fly trap like a fly? You'll have to beg for it."

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"Tonight I'm getting together with pals to sit around and croak."

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

Ask A Silly Question.

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

'Talking of of big tops have you seen the new barmaid at the Green Dragon?'

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

'No, Rusty, this one! You're barking up the wrong tree.'

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure."

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

You look lovely tonight. It's a good think the coat-check girl let me check my thought balloons. !!

"Remember - you have sharp teeth and claws, but he has sarcasm."

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

The Art of Bantering!

Bring it on, Scrabble nerd! Want to tell him directly? What do you mean? There's a chat function so you can taunt other online Scrabble players. Just type in your insult and hit send. Have I died and gone to heaven? The internet. And I suspect it' met its match.

CX909708

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

"What do you mean, I hardly moved all night? I was constantly dancing around politics, religion and the weather."

A lesson in wit

"O.K., your mouth may be clean but I'll bet your mind is filthy."

"Yes, you look presentable. Now get on!"