Motivational Ponderer Gifts

"What is it you'd like to know about incentives, my son?"

"Needs to get a life"

"We'll destroy it to the ground ... ...and then..."

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

"Look, if I had all the answers, would I be living alone on the top of a mountain?"

'At least I don't have his life.'

"I learned one thing today. Attitude trumps aptitude!"

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

Max Weber

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

"It's not that I'm lazy. But I envisage myself not so much climbing the corporate ladder, as taking the corporate elevator."

Telling Self to Buzz Off

'As we all know, the appearance of honesty is the best policy....'

'Please don't read anything into the fact that I'm wearing loafers. I assure you I'm a very energetic worker.'

"You what? Well, you darn well ought to have a guilt complex"

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

'My dad is pushing me to become an alpha male, but frankly, I'd rather be a poet...'

"I love it, the chief loves it, the client loves it, but the gods don't love it."

Yeah, I woke up as a roach because I was so full of existential dread – Why did you wake up as a dung beetle?

"Gotta cut back on my binge thinking."

What brings you to therapy, Rudy? Dr. Noodle. I've been feeling like my whole life is on pause. And I can't find the remote to unpause it. Meanwhile, everyone else's stories are proceeding apace. They're all into the second act already. They've all had plot twists, and hero's journeys, and epic love scenes, and thrilling reversals of fortune ... Meanwhile, I'm still paused on the opening credits because no remote. Why don't you get up off the couch and unpause it manually? You can do that?

I see

'Well, that brings us up to my third birthday...'

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

Caption Contest TK

"Welcome home, Dear. Did you catch the carrot today?"

Move Up In The World or Down Hill All The Way.

Jealousy

"Would you look at the carrot on that guy!"

Are these sessions as soul-deadening for you as they are for me, doctor? Let's not have a contest, Al. Or, if we do, no wagering.