Motherly Jest Gifts

Jewish Mama Electrical: "Let me sit in your dark."

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

'The cool thing about being a kangaroo is that I can actually watch my baby grow...'

The Elephant in the Womb

'Mom is feeling sick. She caught a baby.'

'Breastfeeding twins doesn't sound that hard to me...'

"The fish isn't renewable, but I know the fisherman has 6 kids and counting."

"Now pay attention when mother is speaking, Hubert!"

Maternity ward (door sign.. push push).

"It's a special place where they check the eyes in the back of their heads."

"It's true she's back to the same weight she was on her wedding day, but remember that she was 9 months pregnant with triplets then..."

'I already have four girls. I picked out the names for this one. If I give birth to a girl...Jennifer. If it's a boy...hooray!'

Two breasts: No waiting

'The noise is terrible and the view is horrible. So much for good working conditions.'

How Moms Explain

'I forgot to bring diapers. We were a long way from refreshing.'

'I've had so many caesareans, I've got a zip.'

"Mom always was a helicopter mom, and now she's got a drone!"

Kevin began to suspect that his Mother was colourblind.

"Got any cravings?"

'Do you think he's starting to out grow the pram?'

I thought I'd help your IBS by introducing you to more bacteria.

"I'm concerned, I haven't had a period in over 8 months."

"You're what?!"

'This is a pretty stiff penalty for motherhood.'

'Oh, he's not mine. He's just renting.'

'The next time Mam says we're going to a fair, I'll ask her to be more specific.'

'Look on the bright side, we haven't lost a son, we've gained a parking place!'

'What did the kids do now?!'

'It was only a matter of time!'

'My biological clock finally went off.'