Motherly Jest Gifts

Jewish Mama Electrical: "Let me sit in your dark."

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

'The cool thing about being a kangaroo is that I can actually watch my baby grow...'

The Elephant in the Womb

'Mom is feeling sick. She caught a baby.'

'Breastfeeding twins doesn't sound that hard to me...'

"The fish isn't renewable, but I know the fisherman has 6 kids and counting."

"It's true she's back to the same weight she was on her wedding day, but remember that she was 9 months pregnant with triplets then..."

"Now pay attention when mother is speaking, Hubert!"

My New Year's resolution is to be a better person. Very noble. I want to work harder to improve the planet. What's your resolution, mom? Pretty much the same. To be a better-looking person? Hey! It's planetary cleanup. Nan's Hair and Nails.

"It's a special place where they check the eyes in the back of their heads."

Maternity ward (door sign.. push push).

'I already have four girls. I picked out the names for this one. If I give birth to a girl...Jennifer. If it's a boy...hooray!'

Should I be encouraged by your robe, your honor? No. It's just laundry day. Have a nice verdict.

Two breasts: No waiting

'I forgot to bring diapers. We were a long way from refreshing.'

How Moms Explain

'The noise is terrible and the view is horrible. So much for good working conditions.'

'I've had so many caesareans, I've got a zip.'

"Mom always was a helicopter mom, and now she's got a drone!"

Kevin began to suspect that his Mother was colourblind.

"Got any cravings?"

'Do you think he's starting to out grow the pram?'

I have this overwhelming urge to have kids

I thought I'd help your IBS by introducing you to more bacteria.

"I'm concerned, I haven't had a period in over 8 months."

'This is a pretty stiff penalty for motherhood.'

"You're what?!"

'Oh, he's not mine. He's just renting.'

'The next time Mam says we're going to a fair, I'll ask her to be more specific.'

'Look on the bright side, we haven't lost a son, we've gained a parking place!'

'What did the kids do now?!'

'It was only a matter of time!'