Motherhood Enthusiasts Gifts

"Sure was a lot of screaming for the happiest day of your life."

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

'The child is very illogical'

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

Suffering from Cooties?

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

Growth Charts

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

'Congratulations! It's a bouncing baby boy!'

'I'm afraid this doubles your bill.'

Toddler Feeding Solutions

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

Open other end

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

Early childhood development

'Listen! It kicked again right here. I swear it's not appendicitis!'

Crying baby

'Don't worry about gaining weight after the baby - you'll run it off during the toddler years.'

'Look, dear. Her first opinion.'

Bouncing baby

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

'It wouldn't be right if I did your homework for you!' 'At least you could try!'

'We got Spot and Fluffy when it rained cats and dogs. You came in a baby shower.'

"My first Father's day!"

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

'Then, after a while, the pitter patter of tiny running shoes.'

Baby on Board

"We've gone old fashioned and decided against finding out the sex of my obstetrician."

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

I'm here to update your census form. Since you mailed the form in, have any of your children moved back in with you?