Motherhood Enthusiasts Gifts

"Sure was a lot of screaming for the happiest day of your life."

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

'The child is very illogical'

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

Whoa

Suffering from Cooties?

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

'Congratulations! It's a bouncing baby boy!'

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

Growth Charts

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

Sigh … They grow up so fast, don't they?

'I'm afraid this doubles your bill.'

Toddler Feeding Solutions

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

Crying baby

'Don't worry about gaining weight after the baby - you'll run it off during the toddler years.'

'Listen! It kicked again right here. I swear it's not appendicitis!'

Early childhood development

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

Open other end

'Look, dear. Her first opinion.'

Bouncing baby

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

'It wouldn't be right if I did your homework for you!' 'At least you could try!'

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

'We got Spot and Fluffy when it rained cats and dogs. You came in a baby shower.'

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

"My first Father's day!"

Baby on Board

"We've gone old fashioned and decided against finding out the sex of my obstetrician."

'Then, after a while, the pitter patter of tiny running shoes.'