Mortgage Signing Gifts

'We have a cash flow problem too. Our problem is that your mortgage payments aren't flowing our way.'

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

'To close the deal, I had to make some minor concessions.'

The signing of Ben Franklin's non-disclosure agreement.

The new contract didn't leave him much room to maneuver his hoverdesk.

"Regarding the plot of your novel ... what on earth were you thinking?"

"That was too many fresh original voices for one night."

"This is Mr. Harrington, our mortgage nerd."

Meet the Author

'Mr. Fitzburger, didn't we agree on a no-pets-in-the-apartment policy?!!'

Don't forget to read the small print.

a new hire signing a loyalty oath

3:00 pm - Meet the author

A man sits behind a table in a book store with a sign that reads "Take the author to lunch 1 P.M."

"Good morning - I'm from your bank. We'd like our house back please!"

'Ok, we've rented the whole building ... oops, they just put on another floor.'

'Ready?!'

'Forget my mortgage application, fill this bag with money. I've decided to make a cash offer!'

"The only thing wrong with Capitalism is competition. Sign this non-compete agreement."

'There, but for the grace of an ironclad contract go I.'

"I'm going to look for a mortgage...I may be some time!"

What do you mean, you've done more for me than my mother did? We've carried you for 10 months!

Meet the Oar-thor.

'Third sentence, second one over...what does that word mean?'

"Does this mean my loan has not been approved?"

"Good autobiography, but I preferred your memoirs."

'Interesting - although the plot lacked depth perception.'

'Is there anything we can do to repay you other than to repay you?'

' Even though you can't make heads or tails out of it, let me assure you, it is, heads we win, tails they lose.'

'The fine print can be read only if held up to a mirror.'

"For financial reasons we're selling this brick and mortar home and becoming an online family."

Foreclosed horse

"His cell is a TV remote, his diplomas are elevator inspections, his computer's an Etch-a-Sketch -- but his contract's iron clad."

Meet the Author of 'Fishing is Easy'!