Mortgage Maneuverer Gifts

'I will now make these excellent mortgage deals disappear!'

First National Bank. Keep life exciting --- Ask about our variable rate, interest-only mortgages.

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

Standard & Poor

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

Canine Comedians

I'm buying a house. You're broke. So? the interest rate plans are amazing. The banks are giving money away. Besides, the housing market is going nuts. If I buy today, I can sell next year for a huge profit. I suddenly feel faint. You look ill, Mr. Powell.

'It's the perfect time to move up the evolutionary ladder! The climate is stable, we have no natural predators, and interest rates may never be this low again!'

"Good morning - I'm from your bank. We'd like our house back please!"

'Oh no! We're in negative equity.'

'Looks like you're underwater on your mortgage.'

'Ready?!'

'Forget my mortgage application, fill this bag with money. I've decided to make a cash offer!'

'Well I think everything is in order, congratulations on your new home!'

"Yes, we've refused your loan application."

Finance Co., Refinance Co.

'Lower the price by ?30k!' 'He's trying to kick-start the housing market.'

What do you mean, you've done more for me than my mother did? We've carried you for 10 months!

Don't laugh, my house is paid for.

Life plan

'Is there anything we can do to repay you other than to repay you?'

Bank of England Base Rates.

business illustration

"I remember when you used to see 3 or 4 of these a week!"

"For financial reasons we're selling this brick and mortar home and becoming an online family."

'I sure thought we were done for when we flat-lined like that.'

Do you know what the interest on you adjustable-rate mortgage is?

'First the good news - you won't have to pay mortgage insurance anymore.'

'I'm afraid I can't prescribe anti-depressants for housing gloom.'

"Although we appreciate your offer of a 'magic money tree' you still have to repay your mortgage."

"Murray, I need you to push a little harder on my home sale. I'm starting to get a little under water on my mortgage."

'Sorry, no, but thanks for bringing a little laughter into my life.'

'I'm sorry, NEXT!'

'You have the wrong idea about adjustable-rate mortgages - WE do the adjusting.'

Financial Advisor. What I have is a conflict of interest - the interest on my mortgage, my car loan, my credit cards.