Mortality Jester Gifts

Death buys a new lawnmower.

Dead & Breakfast.

'He does.'

man fishing at a dock sees a billboard: Do You Know It's Anniversary

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

'Anybody for breakfast?'

"I see a girl, I see a marriage, I see her not understanding you, I see a beer belly. Do you want me to go on?"

'I finnaly located what was causing that hissing sound on the tractor.'

'I'm married to my job, and now it wants a trial separation!'

'Hold on to this ticket. Immediately after armageddon, there'll be a drawing for door prizes!'

'Cheers, it's worth the domestic hassle.'

"We've only been married three years and she's already giving me gbh of the ear 'oles."

'...and to you, he has left his leprosy.'

"I know your rations include two limes a day, but please don't do that with them."

'Open your mouth and say 'Ah' -- I'm going to try some anti-virus software.'

"I've decided to be an organ donor."

'Hi, I'm Linda, and this is my husband Jack. He's been having trouble keeping his penis to himself.'

"The autocorrect function is redundant for me. I'm married."

'Dont' operate any rocks or sticks while you're using this medication.'

Frank Loved Bubblewrap

An angel spinning the Vitruvian Man

Finish Annual IOK Grunion Run

'Of course I'm not fooling around with my secretary, Helen -- my receptionist would kill me!'

"We're trying to save your husband."

Homeless man's sign: 'Sperm donor to the crowned heads of Europe.'

'He goes without saying - usually to the pub' (woman to marriage counselor)

'I wouldn't wait too long, for a limited time banks are offering low interest loans on coronary bypass surgery.'

'I bet your Sunday mornings are different now you're married,eh Sam!'

"I was just surprised you put the word 'marriage' next to the question asking if you suffered from a chronic condition."

The last 'take your mother to work' day.

Neurotic stupidity: 'If you start granting amnesty to people for following their conscience, pretty soon everyone will be following their conscience.'

'I do, but no promises.'

"I downloaded this trading-app that allows me to work from home."