Mortality Jester Mugs

Death buys a new lawnmower.

Dead & Breakfast.

'He does.'

man fishing at a dock sees a billboard: Do You Know It's Anniversary

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

'Anybody for breakfast?'

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"I see a girl, I see a marriage, I see her not understanding you, I see a beer belly. Do you want me to go on?"

'I'm married to my job, and now it wants a trial separation!'

'I finnaly located what was causing that hissing sound on the tractor.'

"We've only been married three years and she's already giving me gbh of the ear 'oles."

'Cheers, it's worth the domestic hassle.'

'...and to you, he has left his leprosy.'

'Hold on to this ticket. Immediately after armageddon, there'll be a drawing for door prizes!'

"I know your rations include two limes a day, but please don't do that with them."

'Open your mouth and say 'Ah' -- I'm going to try some anti-virus software.'

"I've decided to be an organ donor."

"The autocorrect function is redundant for me. I'm married."

An angel spinning the Vitruvian Man

Homeless man's sign: 'Sperm donor to the crowned heads of Europe.'

"We're trying to save your husband."

'Of course I'm not fooling around with my secretary, Helen -- my receptionist would kill me!'

Frank Loved Bubblewrap

'Hi, I'm Linda, and this is my husband Jack. He's been having trouble keeping his penis to himself.'

Finish Annual IOK Grunion Run

'Dont' operate any rocks or sticks while you're using this medication.'

'I'm sorry but you obviously don't believe in God because you didn't forward the religious emails to 10 or more people in your address book.'

'Jill, come take a look at Mr. Bolinder's EKG!'

'I wouldn't wait too long, for a limited time banks are offering low interest loans on coronary bypass surgery.'

'He goes without saying - usually to the pub' (woman to marriage counselor)

'I bet your Sunday mornings are different now you're married,eh Sam!'

Neurotic stupidity: 'If you start granting amnesty to people for following their conscience, pretty soon everyone will be following their conscience.'

"Here, try this anti-dandruff fertiliser my gardener recommended."

'I do, but no promises.'

The last 'take your mother to work' day.