Mortality Exploration Gifts

"I'm not afraid of being alone. I just need someone around to discover my corpse because I can't afford a housekeeper."

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

"Did you get my tweet?"

The Gospel According To Jane Brody"Orange, come in. Apple, come in. Hey you, frankfurter, hold it right there."

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

'Yeah, I know your idea of heaven is to play golf all day, but all we have is shuffleboard!'

'Look man, no wings!'

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

"Damnit—Every game ends in stalemate."

"Really? That's the only game in this house?"

"Sweetie, I'm back from the dead!"

A baseball player is too busy checking his smartphone to catch a ball.

"Your mom needs to know that you made it here OK, and your dad wants to know if you could use a few bucks."

Orientation: Welcome to Hell

The Suite Hereafter

"Hey, Bob. Things haven't been quite the same since Richard Attenborough arrived here, have they?"

"He says he's been sending you messages from beyond the grave but it's possible they're going straight into your junk folder."

'Your deceased husband keeps saying: don't call him. He'll call you.'

"Must we have ten minutes blasphemy every night?"

The Final Selfie

Going Down?

'The only way anyone gets in is on there knees.'

"Your husband says BOO!"

'It's only fair Geraldine. I had to meet your parents.'

'I chose here since heaven won't allow you to take your bonus and golden parachute with you.'

'Oh no...I'm living the dream.'

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

"You've reached the consciousness-raising call center. For the meaning of life, press 1. For the secret to happiness, press 2. For the joke of the day, press 3."

"I'm afraid we're going to have to remove your appendix."

'Hope it's legit. I never had the chance to say good riddance.'

'I'm new here...how can you tell the real 'Elvis' from the impersonators?'

'Am I on your good Facebook friend list, or on your bad Facebook friend list?'

"...as the devices were nestled on their chargers with care,..."