Afterlife Exploration Gifts

"Before you died, did you have that moment of total clarity?" "Oh yes, it was totally clear I was about to get hit by a bus."

"Wait a minute - you want me to play the harp??! You don't have karaoke up here? Then why are you calling it 'paradise?'"

'Yeah, I know your idea of heaven is to play golf all day, but all we have is shuffleboard!'

"It's not what I was expecting."

'Hi! You're at the Pearly Gates Interactive Welcome Center. To hear harps and an angelic choir, press 1. To order a DVD of this very special ceremony, press 2. Press 3 if you'd like...'

Smoking in Hell. Smoker revels in Hells smoking policy.

It took the members of the seance almost 2 hours to make contact with Muriel but it was worth it."

'A WOMAN? -- Well, I'll be damned!'

'Computer error! What do you mean computer error?'

'I chose here since heaven won't allow you to take your bonus and golden parachute with you.'

Frank starts to reconsider his atheist beliefs.

'I know...I was expecting something different too...'

"Oddly, I never felt more alive, then, 'wham'!"

"Certainly you're qualified, .… we're just trying to achieve a certain dynamic."

St Peter shaving the heads of angels

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

Cat Heaven vs Mouse Hell.

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

'What - NINE whole lives for only ONE eternity?'

"Surgery up here is free!"

"It's true: no more burpees."

"All we have left is standing room only."

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

Hang on...I've got WINGS..!!!

The Gospel According To Jane Brody"Orange, come in. Apple, come in. Hey you, frankfurter, hold it right there."

"Needs to get a life"

"I thought there would be bacon here."

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

A surprise in heaven

"I do tech support for the cloud."

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'