Morning Jokester Pillows

Sometimes the 'Staggers-in-at-4 AM Bird' beats the Early Bird to the worm.

Well, of course, the eggs are fresh this morning.

"Still a little sleepy, Tiger?"

'I have much less stress since I replaced my in box with a paper shredder.'

Fleas Navidad.

"Merry Christmas"

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

'Anybody for breakfast?'

"Beat it! Here comes the major and his entire staff!"

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

"Nobody at school will laugh at me."

Men dancing

'How do you feel when you get up in the morning?' 'Amazed!'

Henry's music career was ruined when a frog jumped into a glass of gin, and then jumped into his tuba where it is now permanently lodged.

"Maybe this year..."

Elf of the Month

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

Receiving the early-morning T-mail.

'Classical music, huh?...You mean like Elvis?'

"Before someone says anything, yes, it was a long winter."

'Okay, okay! You can have a lick of my sucker.'

"Honey, will you text grace, please?"

'Your dad only works one day a week but mine only works ONE day a year!'

"I'm very highly strung!"

C is for Cracker

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'

During a respite in union negotiations, simmering tensions boil over as some disgruntled members of the toymakers elf union take matters in their own hands.

'I understand that you only use your vehicle once a year, Mr. Claus, but you drive over a million miles that night. That's why your premium is so high.'

'I think I see why you're progressing slowly in music.'

'As I feared, the X-ray shows that you are crying inside.'