Morbid Comedy Fan Pillows

'He was a bit of a showoff.'

"Ouch! You’re killing me!"

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

Scene from 'Night of the Koala'

"I can't come in today, I'm feeling like myself."

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

'I don't think you quite grasp our overall motif.'

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

"That's right. An increase in your title!"

"The first thing we have to do is get you up there."

'Can I get a box for this?'

"This next song is called - 'I want to kill you'."

Shakespeare Project

'And who told you to give the Holy Shroud a good wash?'

'Yes Sir, I am at this very minute passing on your recommendations for staff wage cuts to the appropriate department'

"I just love take-out."

Je-Hereford's Witnesses

"Hold on a second there, Roger; Ken's raised some very good points."

Cards Galore.

'I'd like to apply for a job as a predatory lender.'

Coming Soon: Haunted Homes on 60-foot lots.

"I had them sharpened so I can eat cows."

'Ok, so you smelled gas and then you ... wait a minute! You're a family of opossums?'

'You needn't of bothered, it grows on trees up here.'

Death Watch

"What do I remember about my mother? Well, for starters, she was delicious."

"What wine goes best with vodka?"

One afternoon on mars.

Henry was hoping nobody would notice that he had lost his helmet...'

"Oh, I'm sorry. That procedure isn't covered. Now, spin the wheel to see what you'll pay."

The Old Man and the Noodle.

"...and in this circle the wi-fi is particularly patchy..."