Monstrous Humor Enthusiast Gifts

The Gluten is Free. RUN!

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

'... And this is my cellar.'

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

Trappist Monk Discord

Apple Pie Abduction

'What does it say, Dad?'

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

HELLth Food Sprouts

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

Herding lava back to the fire pit.

'I don't think you quite grasp our overall motif.'

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

"Actually, you do have a racist bone in your body."

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

"Dad, can we please just buy a week wacker?"

Clone Factory

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

Trump Tariffs

"Inactivists"

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

'Can I get a box for this?'

'In my opinion, hold out for a doctor.'

"Oh, just the usual here, occupying Wall Street."

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

'We're really just a mom and pop store...if mom and pop had 600,000 employees.'

Prescription Drugs '96.