Monstrophobic Gifts

"Nonsense, Kevin. How could there be an anteater under your bed?"

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

Dog Nightmares

Yeah, it's funny, but you'll see, in this house, it's the guy who screams the loudest...

I.T. Fear

Grandma's caf

High speed cinder block

"It was a dark and stormy night, for the Wi-Fi was down."

"GPS? In my day, a newcomer learned to find his cubicle by memory."

Bill was so determined to Twitter no one dared tell him he couldn't do it with a calculator.

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about lyme disease."

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil clowns is that good clowns do nothing."

"Well, okay I'll eat it. But, only if you have a medical team on stand by."

"Well, you said you wanted something to remove spiders from the bath!"

"Tarzan no want computer."

"The penicillin looks good."

Unwelcome guests can be caught and thrown out...there is no need to kill them.

'I know it's not around too much this season but I think I have swine flu!'

Little Miss Muffet's Graduation.

'Colds! Sore throats! Flue! Did anyone ever tell you you're a hypochondriac?'

'What's our stockbroker doing in the shower? Quick! Run and get me a rolled up copy of the Wall Street Journal!'

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

'Bernice . . . could you come in here please? Bring a can of hairspray and a cigarette lighter!'

'Dr. Wit specializes in treating patients with a fear of low places.'

Yellow Fever: What you may catch if your painter sneezes.

'You get to see the countryside, meet interesting characters and relax traveling this way. Besides, I'm scared of flying.'

'I knew I should have bought more insurance.'

"I don't know-somehow the city seems much scarier than when I was a kid."

"I know there's safety in numbers, but I suffer from enochlophobia: Can you help me?"

'One nice thing about this, it has overcome my fear of height.'

'Some people feel they've entered a dark, claustrophobic place, from which there's no escape...'

"Interesting greeting ritual."

"Here comes someone now. If we're lucky they haven't had their fly shot, or won't wash their hands!"

"And from now on these staff meetings will be conducted online. You people are a breeding ground for germs."

'Your, 'Never can come out in public' session is over. After I leave the room, you come out and slink away!'