Monstrophobic Pillows

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

Yeah, it's funny, but you'll see, in this house, it's the guy who screams the loudest...

I.T. Fear

Grandma's caf

"GPS? In my day, a newcomer learned to find his cubicle by memory."

"It was a dark and stormy night, for the Wi-Fi was down."

High speed cinder block

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil clowns is that good clowns do nothing."

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about lyme disease."

"Well, okay I'll eat it. But, only if you have a medical team on stand by."

"The penicillin looks good."

"Well, you said you wanted something to remove spiders from the bath!"

"Tarzan no want computer."

Unwelcome guests can be caught and thrown out...there is no need to kill them.

'Bernice . . . could you come in here please? Bring a can of hairspray and a cigarette lighter!'

'Colds! Sore throats! Flue! Did anyone ever tell you you're a hypochondriac?'

'Dr. Wit specializes in treating patients with a fear of low places.'

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

Yellow Fever: What you may catch if your painter sneezes.

'I know it's not around too much this season but I think I have swine flu!'

"I don't know-somehow the city seems much scarier than when I was a kid."

'You get to see the countryside, meet interesting characters and relax traveling this way. Besides, I'm scared of flying.'

'I knew I should have bought more insurance.'

"I know there's safety in numbers, but I suffer from enochlophobia: Can you help me?"

'One nice thing about this, it has overcome my fear of height.'

'Some people feel they've entered a dark, claustrophobic place, from which there's no escape...'

"Here comes someone now. If we're lucky they haven't had their fly shot, or won't wash their hands!"

"Interesting greeting ritual."

"Actually I feel great but I read on the coronavirus blog that that might just be a symptom."

'Your, 'Never can come out in public' session is over. After I leave the room, you come out and slink away!'