Monologue Master Pillows

"Tonight I'll be performing a monologue about where I like to shop, my hair color, and something my mother did that upset me."

"No problems here. You're just the only person who's required not to get up and leave when I start talking about my boring day."

''To be or not to be'? -- It's always about you, isn't it?'

'They all want to play the star.'

Dialogue

"You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the heck else are you talking... you talking to me?"

"Remember, if I can't introduce you it's because I can't remember their name - so that's when you step in and introudce yourself so we can get them to say it, okay?" - Company Party Prep.

'Remember, Henson; we're not here to hobnob - we're here to schmooze.'

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

"If music is the food of love... I'm full."

'To make sure I get noticed I always talk in a big bold typeface.'

'I'm not very good at mingling.'

"He's obedient as long as my requests align with his internal moral imperatives."

'Tusking...one...two...three. Tusking one...two...three...'

"Step right up, lady and gents, and scoop yourself a heaping helping of the best spicy meat and bean stew this side of the mighty Mississippi!"

The Art of Bantering!

"I know it's only been a little while since we've been allowed to mingle again but I'm already getting really tired of people."

Ventriloquism For Beginners.

'Hold on, there might be someone more interesting on the other line...'

'Benson will you stop trying to dominate the meeting.'

'My son is studying communications in college. He never writes, calls, texts, or emails his parents.'

Norse God

"Oh, yes, now I remember. We spoke at the company picnic."

Rock gods.

'Among my many talents, not shown on my resume, is that I can say 'multivarient transformative interactive analytical heterogenacity in management leadership' three times fast.'

'I'm just not sure he fits in.'

'Not watching this,are you luv?'

Well, it's not my fault if nobody bothered to tune the microphone.'

"There's nothing much happening tonight... so I'm going to just talk about myself!"

David Ortiz a.k.a Big Papi

"Jane's internal monologue is 'Hamlet'."

"You see it right?"