Monologue Master Gifts

"Tonight I'll be performing a monologue about where I like to shop, my hair color, and something my mother did that upset me."

"No problems here. You're just the only person who's required not to get up and leave when I start talking about my boring day."

''To be or not to be'? -- It's always about you, isn't it?'

'They all want to play the star.'

George Michael

Dialogue

"You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the heck else are you talking... you talking to me?"

"Remember, if I can't introduce you it's because I can't remember their name - so that's when you step in and introudce yourself so we can get them to say it, okay?" - Company Party Prep.

'Remember, Henson; we're not here to hobnob - we're here to schmooze.'

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

"If music is the food of love... I'm full."

Karaoke night.

'To make sure I get noticed I always talk in a big bold typeface.'

Robbie Williams

Can you mumble, mumble mumble? You're mumbling. What are you saying? I'm asking for your mumble, mumble. You're asking for my help? I can't get the word out. Can I get a little mumble? Mumble.

'I'm not very good at mingling.'

'Tusking...one...two...three. Tusking one...two...three...'

Ventriloquism For Beginners.

"I know it's only been a little while since we've been allowed to mingle again but I'm already getting really tired of people."

The Art of Bantering!

"He's obedient as long as my requests align with his internal moral imperatives."

"Step right up, lady and gents, and scoop yourself a heaping helping of the best spicy meat and bean stew this side of the mighty Mississippi!"

'Benson will you stop trying to dominate the meeting.'

'Hold on, there might be someone more interesting on the other line...'

Pink.

Rock gods.

Norse God

'My son is studying communications in college. He never writes, calls, texts, or emails his parents.'

"Oh, yes, now I remember. We spoke at the company picnic."

'Among my many talents, not shown on my resume, is that I can say 'multivarient transformative interactive analytical heterogenacity in management leadership' three times fast.'

"There's nothing much happening tonight... so I'm going to just talk about myself!"

Well, it's not my fault if nobody bothered to tune the microphone.'

'I'm just not sure he fits in.'

'Not watching this,are you luv?'